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Saturday, July 14th, 2007
9:22 pm - craziest dream in a long time

I had the weirdest dream. It had to do with my ex-boyfriends daughter dying. She died and I had to help with the  autopsy. This isn't like unusual as far as the autopsy thing, that's work, sort of. But they didn't cut her open in the usual manner and they stitched her belly up in this weird pattern. The dream turned odd after this.
Somehow i was outside with her body and an indian (Native American old school style) riding a gorgeous redbrown horse with a white star on its fore head and and white hooves flew out of the sky and scooped her up on to the back of the horse and she was back ing her pink disney princesses nightgown. The Indian looked down and told me she needed to say goodbye to her father first. So he handed her back to me, Now she was just in underwear again I guess because you could see the strange pattern of black stitches on her torso. So I led her through a short red fence (I know where I got that from) and to her dad who was drinking beers on the patio. I called his name and told him that I had "her" and it was time to say goodbye because she had to go. he came over, hugged her, kissed her foreheadand walked away. I took her back out front and handed her back to the indian who rode away into the clouds with her. 
The next night I had a dream that my ex-got into a fight and got into a car wreck with my son and my stepson in the car and Craig ran but both the boys died. 
I think it's all just stress and not having control. I haven't remembered a dream since my son came back home

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Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
9:52 am - lali puna was a monkey child

yes she was, but her name had a few different syllables. and she had crazy monkey fingers she would dig into my chest. i don't know whose baby she was, but there were a lot of people around. she was mighty furry and fuzzy and all sorts of monkey colors -- tawny, brown, black and gold.

there was all kinds of good food around, too. and i wanted a ginger ale. the sodas were stacked along the walls in shelves. i asked emily for advice.

then my alarm went off and i knocked over my water and my beautiful dream was obscured. i remembered the images as i was biking over the bridge to work.

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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
9:33 am - i'm going...

last night was a night of convoluted, many-flavored dreams. or maybe it was just one dream that stretched over the whole evening, taking me to all sorts of surreal and strange places. i had a really hard time falling asleep and i got less sleep than usual. i dreamed all the way up until my alarm went off. i don't really remember what order these went in (except the last part), but i'll try to recall it as accurately as possible, in the hindsight of waking life...

i was in a large van in the parking lot of mcdonald's. we were packing up to flee from something horrible. i was trying to figure out all the things i needed to bring. i put my pc tower into a mesh bag and i packed a bunch of clothes. the bags were sitting outside the van somewhat unguarded. i realized that and went out to check on them. someone had smashed the top of my pc and taken out my hard drives. i was incredibly upset -- not only were all my saved files gone, but there are some very compromising pictures on my hard drives that i didn't want anyone to see.

so i drove home, very upset, and asked my mom's boyfriend to help me out -- basically, i wanted him to go back to mcdonald's and see if he could find the perp. instead, he went to fry's and bought me some new computer equipment. i was incredulous when he got back, so i went to mcdonald's myself. i saw a youngish woman with a heavy jacket on and i grabbed her and yelled "what's in your jacket?" she had hidden my hard drives away in her jacket and i was able to retrieve them -- hoping the whole time that the drives hadn't been damaged.

another part of the dream involved helping nate (from "six feet under") fix the windows in our (?) house. somehow the left-hand windows (in a bay window set) were all smashed and we were trying to cover them up with whiteboards, pieces of lumber and screens. basically, anything we could get our hands on, to block the cold from coming in.

yet another part found my mom and me at safeway. it was right after thanksgiving, or christmas, and some of the safeway employees were moving "spoiled" pies from one freezer to another. the pies all had pink stickers on their labels indicating the sell by date. all the dates were in june, which was very strange. my mom told me she wanted me to pick up a pie, so i went to find one that wasn't expired and didn't have meat in it (lots of meat pies in the safeway freezer). i also picked up a cadbury cream egg with snickers pieces in the middle of it...

suddenly, i was involved in interplanetary war (ala the remake of "war of the worlds"). finally i was prepared to fight back. i was safely ensconsed in my spaceship (or was i watching this all from far away)
flying into outer space to fight the big bad aliens. i arrived at their planet and easily took out all the aliens that attacked me -- their lazer beams and ray gun fire bouncing off my thick hull. i came face to face with the center of their defense -- a giant space ship looking thing with many legs and a mast and many furling sails. it lay still for a while and i thought perhaps it was rusted and broken and abandoned by the aliens.

i was wrong. it rose up to fight me and, just as the fear was sinking in and the realization that there was really no way i could win, even though this was a movie and the good guy always wins, my alarm went off and i realized i would never find out how the great battle ends...

current mood: tired

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Thursday, July 28th, 2005
4:42 pm - shopping tryp

i dreamt i was in ross, shopping for something with sarah and her mom. we walked into the store and, instead of just being a regular ross with one floor and dank lighting, it had stairs that led down to the very exciting netherworld of my dreamland ross. there were magnificent designer shoes of all shapes, colors and sizes and they were all gorgeous and wonderful.

the most interesting part was the purses. they were weird little things, woven out of grasses and they looked totally unsturdy and unuseful. i guess they were just pretty much for show.

i remember thinking how i wanted to buy something but i had no money. even in my dreams, my poverty reigns supreme.


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Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
3:21 pm - return of the auric canine

yes, more golden retriever appearances in my dream last night. i was in some magical land. not magical in a candyland type way, but just magical in that shimmering, confusing dream way. i don't know where i was but it was foresty and green and lush. and there were a lot of strange bedrooms connected in weird ways and growing and growing. every time i thought i had been to every room in the house, the house grew new wings and sprouted new twists and turns. it was a building that changed and mutated with every step.

what i was doing there was trying to find a room to be alone with my lover -- a human dog hybrid that changed as much as the landscape. i'm not even sure whether it was male or female. it was just a dream of vagaries and searches. every time we thought we were alone, someone appeared and i kept on with my search.

i had just found a room with swinging saloon type doors and left someone to guard it while i went back to find my dogman lover when my alarm went off.

my alarm has a way of doing that.

current mood: oddly strange

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Monday, July 25th, 2005
2:30 pm - if you see me you'll be crossing the street

i had an amazing dream that i was able to cast a spell that involved traveling to a different dimension. i traveled there with another young woman -- someone who was a conglomeration of some friends from waking life and some from the dream realm. when we traveled to the new dimension, we ended up in some co-op type frat house. i don't know what we were doing there, but eventually it was time to travel back. i clapped my hands and said that my spell was undone. then, the portal was supposed to open, but it didn't quite...instead, it floated around, opening and closing at random. finally, we were able to jump into the portal. we got caught in between dimensions, in this fuzzy, dark tunnel, trying to push ourselves towards our reality.

i think we eventually made it back.

current mood: sleepy

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Thursday, July 21st, 2005
2:36 pm - fascist community and sea creatures

i dreamt i was stuck in a fascist community from which i couldn't escape. it was extremeley big brother -- everything was monitored. we lived in a weird dorm-type room. i realized that the community was doing some kind of testing on us, or something and i was able to locate a document that proved it. i quickly made a copy of the document on a copy machine in my room (why i had a copy machine in a big brother commune is beyond me...). i pinned it to the inside of one of my sweatshirt jackets, hanging in the closet, so i could hide it from the overlords.

then, my dad showed up and we planned an escape. i got all my stuff together in boxes, so it would look like i was just moving it around and not trying to escape. then we headed down to the train station and i got on a train. suddenly, it started moving, leaving my dad behind. i was stuck in this train car with some random guy...

the next part of the dream involved the sea slug, aplysia. i somehow found one and wanted to keep it as a pet. i found various different containers to keep it in -- first a small one, and then larger and larger as i realized it really needed a place to swim around.

i was woken up by shmoo trying to escape through my window, so i didn't have more time to spend with my cute little aplysia...

current mood: cheerful

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Friday, July 15th, 2005
9:58 am - maudio makes house calls

i dreamt that i called the m-audio support line to get some help setting up my uc33-e (which i really do own). they actually sent someone to my house (my house in san diego -- it looked like) but all he did was sit around and kind of chill while i set it up myself. i asked him questions and he just kind of didn't know what he was talking about.

the other part of my dream involved riding on the emery-go-round. the woman driving it had no idea where she was going, and she ended up missing a turn and therefore missing a stop. a bunch of us mutinied and yelled at her to go the right way. eventually one of the other girls on the bus took over and tried to drive us back the way we came. we ended up in some fancy restaurant -- someone was going to buy us all $27 dollar lunches. but i talked them out of it and went off in search of my own lunch. i realized i only had 15 minutes left before i needed to be back at work. i went up to the emery-go-round driver and totally bitched her out for making me late and for missing all the poor people who were obviously waiting for the bus.

later in the dream (or earlier?) i was walking through the middle east with some friends. we saw a woman abandon an opium pipe and so we picked it up. there was still some opium inside. i smoked some and passed the pipe along...

this is what i get for playing half life 2 right before bed...

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Thursday, July 14th, 2005
8:54 am - abandonment

i dreamed i was walking around my neighborhood (a total dream neighborhood -- never anywhere i've actually lived) when i came across this young girl standing on the sidewalk, looking distressed. i asked her what was going on and, apparently, both her parents had been killed. well, her dad had been killed and her mom has disappeared. the dream was set on the pretext that there had been some kind of alien invasion or war or something of that nature (i've been playing half life 2....).

anyway, i brought the girl home with me (after walking around her house a bit and realizing everyone there was definitely gone -- somehow this little girl had survived 2 weeks on her own) to take care of her. i don't remember much after this point -- just some driving around with the girl and feeling really sorry for her. i do recall taking a shower with her in my actual bathroom (i remember the distinctive ikea shower curtain). i felt really motherly/sisterly in the dream.

maybe i'm longing for some family contact...

current mood: snorky

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Thursday, July 7th, 2005
9:06 am - i guess i'm having sex with all my friends

i dreamt that i was wandering through this incredibly depressed looking midwestern town (something i pulled out of my memory of growing up in detroit, maybe?). i ended up in this ramshackle, big, heavily wooden house. miri lived there. i wanted very much to have sex with her, so i pressured her until we started making out, taking off each other clothes. and then she stuck a vibrating HAIR BRUSH where the sun don't shine...yes i remember in great detail how not sexy and uncomfortable that experience was.

then, her boyfriend walked in. yes, in my dream she had a boyfriend. i heard him entering the house and i said "maybe we should stop. i think your boyfriend's here." and she shrugged it off and kept on with the hair brush. "look, we should really stop." i insisted as he walked into the room. he vaguely freaked out and she rushed to put her clothes on and soothe him.

i gathered in the dream that she didn't really like him, she just felt pressured to be with him -- by him and by society.

the last thing i remember is him looking at me with his big eyes and he said "i don't know how i feel about these miscreant* relationships."

*it wasn't miscreant but it was a word that started with "m" but i don't remember what word it was...

current mood: cynical

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Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
9:11 am - scantily clad

i had a very long and complicated dream last night. for those of you who have seen the prisoner, the physical setting was very much like that island. the dream was like some long, epic journey around this island (or landscape) starting i don't remember where and ending at a birthday party for sarah.

this first part i remember involved walking through the hills of this island (or landscape) with my mom and jonathan and seeing this amazing cloud cover spilling out over the hills and down to the valley below. i paused and tried to take some pictures with my camera phone. i ended up with a beautiful picture of fog sweeping down over the pointed rocks of the hills.

the next part was some prefunctory sex with jonathan. the weirdest part of the whole sex process was that jonathan had suddenly acquired 4 or 5 golden retrievers that followed him around and needed constant attention. it was all very detailed and weird. unfortunately, i don't remember much of it now, except asking him if he had any condoms handy, since i don't use condoms and so i don't have them around.

i think after the sex, i met this strange, over the top woman who showed me around her amazing apartment in new york city (although we weren't in new york city, somehow she was able to access her nyc apartment). i really liked it, except it was heavily carpeted. she had some pets -- pigs? dogs? cats? this was a pet-heavy dream. and she kept talking about her incredible sex life.

the last part of the dream that i remember in detail was sarah's birthday party. she had all this food laid out, including sushi and cake. also included in the smorgasborg was apple juice, which i kept drinking. for some reason, sarah was getting really upset with me for drinking all the apple juice, so i tried to drink it as secretly as possible. and then, when i asked for sponge cake, she told me it was for the other guests.

sarah disappeared and then i realized the people at the table were my grandpa and maybe rico (from six feet under). i noticed how my grandpa had tons of cake piled on his plate, so i asked if i could have some. he refused to share with me and i got really pissed off. he said he just doesn't share with people. after being pissy with him for a bit, i realized that there was a whole spread of cakes on the sideboard behind him. then i woke up.

current mood: confused

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Friday, July 1st, 2005
10:33 am - i step out of my skin

i didn't remember my dream last night until i was just now going into the bathroom at work. i was thinking about my phone etiquette and how i feel comfortable talking to people in a very impromptu, improvisatory situation. then, i remembered that part of my dream last night centered on having to give a 20 minute lecture on the history of electronic dance music. i had all these random notes i thought about referring to, but i realized i could probably do it all on my own -- in a very impromptu, improvisatory manner. weird how having the same thought during my waking life brings me back to a moment of dream life...

anyway, another weird dream thing that happened to me yesterday has to do with the cats. i walked into the living room and i heard the cat meowing. i looked around and she was sleeping soundly underneath the coffee table. she was just meowing (loudly) in her sleep. does that mean she was dreaming? presumably, cats dream, since they enter REM sleep. but, since dreams are so subjective, we can't ever know because we can't get a cat's eye verbal report of dreams. FURTHERMORE (and most importantly) your body (and cats' bodies) completely shut down during REM sleep -- all muscles lose tone. that means that the cat couldn't possibly have been in REM sleep while she was meowing. especially since she did this remarkably cute acrobatic twist afterward...

however, i doubt the conclusion scientists have come to that REM sleep is when dreams occur. i have a feeling that dreams happen in a much less temporally localized manner...anyone have any thoughts they want to share?

current mood: sore

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Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
11:06 am - stilldream

i dreamt i was still in the forest. i had somehow gone out with jay and todd into the dark wilderness, and ended up at the stilldream campout. there was trance everywhere, little kande kids and confusion. this was one of those dreams that i have just as i'm waking up and the lines between fiction and reality blur incredibly. what a strange experience...

...especially since this is the only dream i've remembered for a while. i guess my seratonin is kind of messed up right now...

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Friday, June 3rd, 2005
10:02 am - friendster or myspace?

had a dream last night that i was explaining the difference between livejournal, friendster, orkut, myspace, etc to some random person in my dream...there was also a bit about running away from frightening people, but i've forgotten that part now...

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Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
12:25 pm

it's so incredibly vivid, even now, the way that the water came crashing down from above and everyone ran for the house. i was further away, and only had time to take a deep breath and sink to the ground in a brace position. i struggled to keep from vomiting as my eardrums started to pop and the oncoming pressure displaced much of what was breathable in the air.

and then the strangest thing happened. the water just stopped, suspended there in the sky.

i looked up. the mirror-bottom of its surface reflected the streets, the abandoned cars, and the windows of a nearby house all in swirling precision, and i realized i was suddenly alone. it was very quiet, and very beautiful.

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9:14 am - amnesia

i can't remember hardly anything about my dreams last night. i have noticed that, the worse my sleep is, the less i remember of my dreams. unless it's my dreams that are interrupting my sleep.

anyway, the one thing i do remember is trying to sing along to something and singing in harmony -- maybe it was tori amos? it's something that's been happening to me recently in waking life -- i try to sing along and somehow end up singing harmony. am i losing my ear?

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Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
9:40 am - positive

somehow, and i have no idea how this was supposed to have happened, i was HIV positive. i guess my mom just told me that i was. anyway, it was really horrible. i could feel the sickness inside me. i was shown pictures of my cells with unhappy antibodies floating around. people avoided me because they knew i was *ill.* they wouldn't eat near me or let their children near me.

furthermore, i had to move a lot of luggage that was poorly packed. i had to get it all on a plane before the plane took off. talk about anxiety dreams.

when i woke up, i was so relieved to realize that i'm really NOT HIV positive (as far as i know at this time) that i was actually glad it was morning.

current mood: weird

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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
10:22 am - snakes

very strange dream last night (aren't they all?) in which i spent a while walking through a swampy area with renee. suddenly, we saw a huge snake. we both screamed and got away from it quickly. however, soon we ended up in a darkened room. as soon as i turned the lights on, it was clear renee was about to be attacked by a very large snake. the snake curled around her leg and she couldn't get it to let go. it bit her and i was full of fear that it would be poisonous. however, she didn't die or even seem affected by venom. i laid her down to take a look at the bite and some guy walked in (some kind of ranger type person) who said he would go off to get the snake bite kit. i asked him if i should try to suck the venom out and he kind of laughed at me. i felt like i was in pulp fiction, for a moment, but i think my mind was confusing quentin tarrentino movies, because the snakes show up in kill bill...don't ask how i made this connection -- somehow, i just knew.

this isn't the first time predatory snakes have shown up in my dreams. i know what freud would say, but i really don't think that's what they symbolize to me. so what do they symbolize? or are they just animals i occasionally dream vividly about?

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Friday, May 20th, 2005
12:08 pm - ice cream

i have been having lots of strange dreams recently. most of them, i haven't even been able to remember. it seems like my alarm coupled with a cup of coffee serve to wipe all of that away from memory. i know i haven't been recording them here, either, and for that i feel ashamed. but hopefully i will start remembering them and writing them down and, from writing them down, remember them even better. brush the dust off the cogs...

this morning, i remember dreaming about gelato -- very tasty gelato at that -- in between both alarms. a few days ago, i dreamt i was eating a whole tub of reeses pnut butter cup ice cream. apparently, i have a sweet tooth in my subconscious.

what would freud say?

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Friday, February 18th, 2005
2:52 am - John Searle

I also had a weird dream last night that I might as well mention here. There was a big party at John Searle's house, and I went with all the philosophy grad students, and one of them brought some crystal meth for all of us, which for some reason came in gelcap form (though I think she snorted the crystals out of the gelcap or something). And I remember that my roommate Mike was also my friend Luke from Stanford, but had some bleached hair (neither of them has ever bleached their hair, as far as I recall) and I was trying to stop him from falling into the pool from the second floor. We didn't have to interact with Searle, because there were lots of other people there too.

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